Yeah, but what are you really good at?

In kindergarten I drew 1,392 pictures of Evil Knievel launching his motorcycle over a pool of blood thirsty sharks. Some of the sharks had machine guns, but that’s not the point. The point is that for my entire existence on this planet, my fundamental understanding of my identity has been that of a graphic designer. As my career progressed and my title changed to Creative Director or User Experience Director in my mind I defined myself as a Designer doing creative director stuff. Your perception of yourself can go beyond your professional life. In my mind, I am a designer that does dad stuff.

What’s hard for me to understand is that others perception of me is not of a designer. To my coworkers I am simply a creative director and to the woman in the lunch café I am simply the egg salad sandwich with extra bacon guy. This realization bothers me. I want every one to know I am a designer. I am passionate and proud of that.

In school I never liked write, spelling is my nemesis. Just as Porky Pig works around words that trigger his stutter, I will write 10 words to mean the same as one word I can’t spell. Well, come to find in the last few years, I am a good writer. Coincidently, have also come the realization that I am a good designer, but not a great designer. I have hit my ceiling, Saul Bass has nothing to fear.

Now it gets worse, I quite possibly, most likely, am almost sure of it. I am a better writer than a designer. This is crushing. How can it be? What will people think of me? The thing about me that was most fundamentally core to my being is not what I understood it to be. It’s like fish finding out he’s actually a monkey midway through his life. Should he start eating bananas and masturbating in public or should he ignore all that and just continue swimming upstream?

Today, right here, right now I shall embrace my inner writer and maybe slightly adjust my understanding of myself. My inner designer now has a big fat roommate lounging about in his underwear leaving ass dents in the couch cushions.